This text file has the pLAsTik YoDeLlinG bISon 'moo' of approval. The contents
of this file can seriously damage your sanity if used incorrectly, unfortunately
it will utterly destroy your sanity if used correctly. One Short Of A Llama
accepts no responsibility for anything in particular.

FIRST BOOK: GENESIS AND THE TOP 5 CRUSTAECIANS

                               G E N E S I S
(I can't dance, I can't sing, the only thing about me is the way that I am the
omnipotent god of time and space)

ACT 1 SCENE 1

1. In the beginning there was nothing, well there was something, that was the
nothing, so really it was nothing minus the something which was nothing (?).
That leaves nothing, but...

1+nothing (which is something). In the beginning there was something which was
nothing. It was without form or void, it was also without lawyers and insepid
fluffy animals coming to chew my eyes out, GET THEM OFF!! GET THEM OFF!!
ARRRRGH!?!....ummm. TH looked out across the something of nothing and noticed
thus, it was very dark. Uniron moniter type dark.

2. TH raised his arms/tentacles/appendages and shouted. "Let there be...
Lentils!" The nothing was uncomfortably silent in a way that only nothings can.
TH remove a small peice of limestone (It was the fashion to write things on
stone in the beginning to about 2000 years BC (Before Calculators) its reign as
the writing material of choice was only interupted once in 5930 BC when land
mammals were used. Fortunatly it never took off because it was too hard to stay
sane when the Oxford Shorter Dictionary had just trampled the crops, someone's
pet Cook Book had just died and they were having re-heated Road Map to Sweden
again for dinner)

3. "Oh sod" TH said to nothing in particular, then shouted "Let there be
not-dark!" The darkness receded to reveal nearly the entire mass of the universe
comprised in the familiar shape of a vegetable. A  realisation dawned on TH that
this was just going to be one of those aeons.

4. TH looked upon the Lentil-verse and saw that it was bad, very bad.

5. And TH did then activate the Genesis computer which took a long time to
bootup, so TH decided to seperate the light from the dark. TH called the dark
Mince-and-Beans-time, and the light was named Harold for no reason in particular.

6. And TH did gaze upon the screen of the genesis computer, and TH selected the
install program and it did say "Thankyou for purchasing Creation for Windows
Version 1.1"

7. And the program did say thus "would you like to install land.dll, water.dll,
sky.dll, birds.dll... ...cheese.dll, spam.dll, beans.dll... ...books about fridge
manufacture.dll, hampsters.dll, ducks with three legs.dll..." and TH did say yes
to all the questions without really looking at them.

8. And this went on for six days and six nights (quick for a windows install)
then TH at the end of it did say "Bill Gates is a dead man"

9. And on the seventh day TH then did watch all the animals creepth home from
a Saturday night party

10. TH did look upon the world and said "Cometh yea animals and say how much you
like this world of Lentils" because TH needed to have his ego stroked.

11. And TH did look upon the animals and said "Excuse me Mr Duck but why do you
have three legs?" And the Duck did reply "Quack" and it was good.

...and now for something completely text-graphics...

Lobster       ()   ()
                \o/
                 U
                 U
                /|\

Teapot          __,_
              c(__)/

Mysteron Crab     oo
                 /  \
                ()  ()

Duck            -O\__
                  (__)
                   /

Captain hooks Tribble Crab    ()  ?
                               \ /
                                *

Catch22, One Short Of A Llama
[http://web.osoal.org.nz]