#include // NO, this is NOT a C source, it Is tHe tExT fieL on THE GlORIOUS beveRage... // // COFFEE!!!!!!! ( use page-down to view da text fiel ) // You, and your Coffee Terra-Cotta's home hints on Coffee... 1: Safe Coffee: Allways practise safe coffee. That is, use a clean mug, not one of those plastic mugs. And don't share mugs with anyone else. You could catch dangerous diseases, such as ( name your favourite disease here ) and ( your second favourite disease here ). 2: Ensure Coffee sources: Allthough coffee is not illegal ( yet... ), you should always ensure your coffee supply is safe and reliable. A routine visit to the supermarket is not enough. You should keep your own secret stash of coffee beans ( vacuum sealed and date-stamped ), and don't tell anyone else about it. Because at anytime your access to coffee can be broken, either by invading aliens or workers' strikes in Brazil. ( or, invading Brazillians or workers' strikes on mars... ) 3: Coffee and Self-defense: Always keep at least one mug of hot coffee ( perculated or instant ) in your hand or anywhere else on your person. A mug of extra-hot coffee is more than enough of a deterant to attackers, in the home, or even on the street ( at night ). Merely inclining the coffee towards their position may cause panic and spontaneous horizontal-leg-strobing. Maintaining a hot cup of coffee while walking may be difficult, so a thermosflask with a quick-release lid is a must. Just keeping a cup of coffee ( or any liquid for that matter, not that you'd drink anything else... ) from spilling is extremely hard while in a moving automobile. The solution: if you are driving, drive slowly, 25 to 30km/h is optimal speed, 10km/h over bumpy terrain, and if you aren't driving, you should incline your coffee towards the driver and sieze control of the vehicle. While walking down the street, with your trusty mug of cafiene, you may begin to feel over-confident and abit cocky. Just keep in mind, that if you over-incline the coffee ( in a threatening manner, mind you ) towards the offender, he may make a move for the coffee. A quick darting movement could easily knock the coffee out of anyone's hand. So a black-belt in the martial art of your choice would be quite handy as a backup. 4: Coffee and your Abs: It has been proven that coffee can, while used as directed, tone your Abs and reduce that waist-line. Fill 2 mugs to the brim with EXTRA-hot coffee. Lie down. Drink 1 mug of coffee. Balance the other mug on your stomach. Using an ordinary sized mug may not produce fast results, so, an industrial-sized, 10 gallon mug may be preferable. This method works two ways: first, your Abs must frequently tense and maneuver in order to keep the coffee from spilling, and, second, if it does spill, hopefully it is still be extra-hot and quickly burn away excess fat. 5: Coffee, the building material of the future: Coffee has also been proven to be an effective building material for housing. Take a large amount of instant coffee, mix in a very tiny amount of water ( to combine the coffee and make it stick together... ), and use as a cement substitute. Unfortunately the coffee-cement isn't very weather-durable, although it does smell nice, and, given a, dry, non-windy climate, such as wasteland or the north/south pole, the coffee-cement will be ideal for construction. 6: Coffee as a Nuclear fuel: Perculated coffee, believe it or not, can be used quite easily as fuel for a Nuclear Fusion reactor. Just take the perculated coffee, and place in a tub. Apply an enormous electrical current and extract hydrogen ( a well-known Coffee derivative ) from the coffee. The hydrogen then must be placed in a large and ( VERY ) well-shielded area, which should be heated to over 1,000,000,000 degrees celsius ( more than a few home gas-heaters may be needed for this part ). The hydrogen nulcei will procede to collide ( fuse ) to form helium, giving off energy. 7: The greatest medical discovery of all thyme, Coffee: Coffee was used by the Germans for thousands of years, and was recognised for its medicinal uses. Induced, in conjunction with penicilin, Coffee displayed powerfull anti-bacterial properties. Poured over an infected wound, super-heated Coffee burnt away the diseased tissue, and caused minimal damage to ( some of ) the surrounding tissue. Coffee was even known before Garlic, as a stimulator of the immune-system and an adequate Vampire deterant, as well as a powerfull odourant. Stay tuned for next week's 'You and your Coffee', which includes 'Coffee as an Aphrodisiac', 'Coffee, relief for your sinuses', and 'How to grow your own Coffee'. And now, the sequel series to the No-where man,... the Now-here man. He was no where, he is now here. He lost his life, now, he found that he had only mis-placed it. Now he has to come to grips with not running from the FBI, and must not learn to not trust anyone. Everytime he finds himself in a familiar situation, he isn't suspicious, and doesn't leave in the middle of the night and go hiking thru life... and finally ( final‚... ) WHICHHAVEN? the atmospheric midaeval 'hunt 4 da wicked witch of da castle'. Using the descent game-engine ( 6 cylinders, 3 litre, fuel injected ) you can run, jump, and tap your ruby slippers through-out the haunted and conveniently fortified dungeons of the Wicked which? witch, killing small liver-filled munchkins and collecting 'Hero Thyme's. Your quest; To drop a small rural house on da witch... 'ding dong da witch is dead,' 'which old witch,' 'da wicked witch,' 'ding dong da wicked witch is dead,...' TCL signing off..., stay tuned for more stufv... ²²²²²²²²²²²²²²²²²² ² ² ² Concealed Exit ² ² Ahead ² ² ² ²²²²²²²²²²²²²²²²²² ± ± ± ± ±