ARE YOU A MINCE-O-HOLIC?

Hopefully, these 9+1 easy to read questions may shed some light the
problem.  If not, flip a coin.  Heads - you're clean.  Tails - you're a
hopelessly lost mince-o-holic and should immediately relocate to a nice
house next to a freezer works or a combine harvester.  Kay, here we go:


1: Do you eat mince?

   Through several scientific studies conducted in central Lower Hutt,
   mince-o-holics have definitely been proven to eat mince.  So if you
   eat mince, you may infact be a mince-o-holic.

2: Do you eat a lot of mince?

   Admittedly, the next step in being a mince-o-holic is the consumption
   of a lot of mince.  That is, more mince than the average mince-muncher.

3: Do you eat a lot of mince often?

   Through several scientific studies conducted in a shed in central
   Lower Hutt, mince-o-holics have definitely been proven to eat a lot of
   mince, often.  Mince-o-holics typically eat a serving of mince for
   breakfast, lunch, and tea ( either that or they combine all three meals  
   into a sort of 'Brunchea', served at around 10 pm ).  A mince serving 
   typically consists of around 125 grams of mince, 50 grams of beans, 50 
   grams of dolmio, cheese and nacho chips.

4: Do you offer mince servings to 'outsiders' in the hope of converting
   them, while deep in the back of your mind you know you'll fail?

   Mince-o-holics who cook their mince themselves are often proud of their
   creations.  They are proud not because their mince is tasty, but because
   they managed to herd some ground cow bits around a hot wok for a while and 
   empty a jar of something lethal into it.  Outsiders consuming this mince 
   dish will on first taste notice that the mince is infact only partially 
   cooked and twice as much taco flavouring was added to kill the raw taste.

5: Do you fantasize about abnormally large concentrations of mince?

   Mince-o-holics like their mince in bulk.  They often cook up to 1kg at
   a time, and so fantasizing about 1.6tons of mince is quite normal for
   mince-o-holics.

6: Do you drink coke?

   Through several scientific studies conducted in a shed in central Lower
   Hutt involving many mince-o-holics, the results pointed to the
   conclusion that mince-o-holics are often also coca-cola-holics, and they
   drink coke in abundance.  Through analysis it was discovered that the 
   consumption of coke was required inorder for the mince-o-holic to actually 
   digest his mince.

7: Do you find yourself inventing new ways to prepare mince?

   Due to the high and potentially monotonous mince intake of mince-o-holics,
   they are often experimenting with new additaves, cooking mediums or
   methods.

8: Do you add twice as much 'mince flavoring' as recommended to your
   mince dishes?

   Because of the numbing of the 'mince-buds' ( specialist taste buds 
   located all around the tonque, often hiding under bigger ones ) due to
   prolonged and constant mince eating, mince-o-holics require more taste
   in their cooking than the average mince-muncher.  They acheive this by 
   adding a whole bottle of dolmio AND one or two sachets of nacho flavouring 
   to only 500g of mince.  Do not try this at home.

9: Do you have a walk-in fridge?

   Hard core mince-o-holics have walk-in fridges.  Here you can store large
   ammounts of mince.  Hard core mince-o-holics also have a gas-oven inside
   their walk-in fridge, allowing them to cook mince where the mince and
   other items are stored, improving efficiency.  Hard core mince-o-holics
   also sometimes force the weaker mince-o-holics to sleep in the walk-in
   fridge, and is a hall-mark of the mince-o-holic's hierarchic society.
   
9+1:
   Are you on the verge of opening an all-night mince kiosk?

   Through long periods of cooking mince, some mince-o-holics have perfected
   their favorite mince dishes, actually practised 'cooking' the mince, and
   discovered the right ammounts of rice, eggs, flavouring, and his/her
   very own blend of secret herbs and spices to add to the mince dish.
   Due to many complements on his/her mince preparing ability, these
   mince-o-holic 'high-priests' as it were, cannot discern why all-night
   mince kiosks aren't around already.


If you have answered positively to 5 or more questions, you are definitely
a mince-o-holic.  Fortunately, treatment for this disorder is only marginally
expensive and rather fun - EAT MORE MINCE, AND DRINK COKE TO WASH IT DOWN!

ah;
  2 more weekz to go,
  2 more weekz til network,
  2 more weekz til coke consumption, and
                   mince a cooking, and
                   network quakeing, and
                   musak playing, and
                   screw-driver olympics?
  2 more weekz til network.

Next questionare asks the question - Are you a Nina Hagen addict
Yer, bi.

 - brought to you by the OSOAL Lifestyle-guide.